


Another Reality

by terrahfry



Category: Hemlock Grove
Genre: Alternate Reality, Alternate Universe, Bottom Roman, Implied Mpreg, M/M, Mpreg, Regret, Season three was depressing, Top Peter, Vargulf Peter, canon character death
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-17
Updated: 2019-09-17
Packaged: 2020-10-20 11:03:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20674331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/terrahfry/pseuds/terrahfry
Summary: Set after the cursed events of season three, Peter deals with his regret of being stuck as a vargulf and of killing Roman. Then after hearing a mysterious sound, is transported to an alternate reality where things are very different, and another version of him and Roman are together and happy. At least Peter's human again in that reality. A look at should haves and mistakes made that lead to the horrid outcome.





	Another Reality

**Author's Note:**

> Mentions of the usual stuff that happened in the show, set a year after the events of season three. There will be future mentions of mpreg. Obviously major spoilers for the show and a bit of one for the Henry Deaver episode of Castle Rock season 1, in which it's revealed who the Kid is and where he came from. All I really borrow is the hum and the alternate reality thing. I also like to over analyze Hemlock Grove.

It didn't take him long after to realize what he had actually done. But by then, as the saying goes, it was too late. It was too late for everything, to correct any of his mistakes. One mistake had been getting involved with Andreas' bullshit. It didn't matter about the money, it wasn't worth the price so many paid. If felt like all that blood was on his hands as much as it was on the hands of the men he let execute Andreas. He and Roman had tortured that guy after Roman made it seem like he had murdered Destiny too. Quite frankly, Peter should have just went on believing that, not listened to Annie, or Destiny. And now, Roman was dead, he had to be his killer. And at the time, it seemed like the right thing to do. Well, it wasn't the right thing, because now Roman was dead, and Peter was stuck as a vargulf alone. He didn't even get the luxury of changing back into a human like Christina had. No, he was trapped now as this thing, with the only option being to get more insane with the disease. He couldn't kill Roman as a human, he tried, and he failed. He had make himself into a monster to do it.

But even monsters can feel regret. Immediately he realized that it wasn't the right thing, after the adrenaline and anger wore off. Now he was stuck, and now he didn't have Roman, now Nadia had no parents. He had to even give her up to avenge Destiny.

Nadia, fuck.. He had given her to Annie. He shuddered to think what that psychopath would do to her, how she would raise her. Thinking back on it with a clearer head made him conclude that she was just as bad as Olivia, just as manipulative and backstabbing. He hated her. He wished she'd saunter into these woods so he could rip her heart out too. One less fucking upir bitch. Hell, Olivia too. They both deserved it for what they did to Roman.. But what was he talking about? He was his killer. He didn't have to be. But you try having the ghost of a dead psychic in your ear.

He remembered seeing Shelley leave with some creepy pedo guy as he stood on the side of the road one day. She had a baby with her, but he couldn't tell if it was Nadia. He hoped Shelley had Nadia, and yet, he didn't want that guy to have Nadia. It was fucked up either way.

Another mistake that was all Peter's was lying to Destiny about Andreas, making it seem like he had been found dead, getting Roman involved. Maybe then she'd never sought out to find Andreas' killer, maybe then she'd never concluded that Roman knew something or was Andreas' killer. 'No, cous', I am Andreas' killer, I am your killer, I am Roman's killer.' Peter knew that he should have just fucking came home and told her everything, no matter how shitty it was. And Destiny, she's a fucking medium, but like most mediums her gift isn't perfect, and she couldn't see everything. Why couldn't she see that Roman wasn't the fucking killer?

Because she knew Roman knew something. And Roman did know something, Peter had told him, got him to help him cover it up, just not good enough. Roman didn't tell her, probably protecting Peter most likely. Roman would have done anything in the world for Peter, except, you know, not kill Destiny. Roman had buried her to protect Peter, and put the blame on the real psychopath- and that guy was a sadistic psychopath, and his death was no great loss. Peter should have been content with that, because Roman's death was a great loss. But that damn Annie. Peter often wished that Roman had've killed Annie too, then he'd never fucking known that Roman killed Destiny. He didn't need to know. He wished he didn't know.

Listening to Annie was a big mistake. Instead of that, he should've been with Roman at home, taking care of Nadia and making up for the time Miranda and that fucking dragon asshole stole from them. He should've finally bit the bullet and started something with Roman. He should've taken better care of Roman and Nadia.

Destiny would be upset with him for this, making excuses for Roman. But these days, he had a lot of time to think. Think and hunt, sleep, think and hunt, repeat. He didn't think the vargulf disease was making him insane anyway, the heartache was. Roman, why did it feel like they had something between them that they couldn't act on? Why did it feel like they felt something deeper for each other, and couldn't be.. just be? Nothing would let them be. Roman, he should have stayed home with Roman. So many should haves, so many mistakes. If he could do it all over again.. Well, at least he'd still have Roman with him. If he had at least the last part to do over again, he'd not kill Roman. Maybe he'd just capture him, lock him up in a cage and keep him as a pet. But knowing Peter's luck, he'd probably forget to feed him or something. Peter hadn't taken very good care of Roman, especially not as a friend.

So, he was making excuses for Roman. Someone needed to. He always made enough excuses for Destiny. And he loved his cousin, he'd have to to kill the love of his life to avenge her, but sometimes she was overbearing. She had been perfectly content to let Peter spend the rest of his life as a monster just to kill Roman. She always had something against Roman anyhow, from the first day she met him. Peter tried to overlook it, and he shouldn't have. Destiny wouldn't give Roman a chance, or even try to help him. She most likely knew what he was before he turned and wouldn't tell him. She wouldn't tell Peter, because Peter would have given him the heads up. According to her and his mother, they weren't allowed to interfere with upir rites, or however the hell they put it. It just sounded like bullshit to Peter. It sounded like an excuse. They could make excuses, so why couldn't Peter?

'Don't you wish you'd fucking told him now, cous'? Wish you'd told him he was a monster? Maybe if you had've, it'd not came back to bite you in the ass.' Peter thought darkly. Most of Peter's thoughts or opinions on shit was dark and hateful anymore, it was probably the whole thing where he was a fucking vargulf. It was making him a little fucking bitter, okay.

He was angry, so damn angry, and frustrated. He wanted out. He tried not to let his anger get too bad, he didn't want to be like Christina and start killing humans. He stuck to the woods, and since it was often cold, he broke into the Godfrey mansion, which sat abandoned, even after they found Roman's body. He hadn't wanted them to. He wanted to drag Roman away, drag him all the way to the goddamn Godfrey Institute and see if someone there could bring him back, maybe save Peter from this curse in the process, and they could've just said they were even and started over.

But Peter didn't do that, they found the body. He hadn't wanted them to take it away. He's pretty sure the police didn't do a whole lot to solve Roman's murder. They combed over the mansion for about a day, then never really came back. It was no secret that they didn't like Roman much because he was a Godfrey.. That and he could be a little bit of a spoiled prick, but not as much as people thought. People thought shitty things about Peter too, that didn't mean they were right. Roman always treated Peter like the greatest fucking thing in his life, he'd bend over backwards to help him. And Peter repaid him by destroying him. Truth was, Peter had tore Roman's heart out metaphorically on more than one occasion before he ever tore it out literally.

Peter had realized the mistake he made immediately after it had happened. He could still taste the blood in his mouth, still feel his fangs ripping through soft flesh. He remembers the snow on the ground, the dark rich blood red standing out in startling contrast to the glistening icy white after he dropped Roman's heart into the snow.

It was snowing again now. It was winter again. It had been a year. He still regretted it.

Peter immediately regretted it, as soon as it was over and Roman lay still and cold on the ground, dark green eyes staring at nothingness. Those eyes that looked at Peter like he had hung the full moon, they would never look at Peter or anything else ever again. Roman was dead, Peter had killed him. He hadn't just left this time. There would never be any going back to him this time, because Roman was dead. And that concept didn't seem right. It felt wrong. He had given in to the wolf's anger, and he had paid a price. The anger didn't stay with him though, as soon as he dropped the heart and looked back at the body, the anger was gone, replaced by emptiness. He whined, leaning down to nuzzle the body, butting Roman's head with his snout. It was like he irrationally thought Roman would just wake up, but he wasn't just sleeping. Peter even picked the heart back up and tried to put it back inside, again irrationally hoping that maybe it would fuse back together somehow like it was supposed to be and Roman would take another breath. But that didn't happen either. So Peter laid down by the body of his dead friend-turned-enemy for a long time, whimpering and crying for all he had lost, the culmination of everything, for Destiny and even Andreas, for Nadia, for Roman, for himself, letting out one long mournful howl into the bitter cold night.

Ironically, Peter remembers that even covered in blood, laying broken, still as death and ripped open, Roman had looked peaceful. Peter had given him what he wanted, he had given him death. Peter could have reasoned that he could have made Roman suffer even more by just making him live- maybe by keeping him in a cage so he couldn't hurt anyone else, and Peter would still at least have him. Because Roman was dead, and Peter was fucking stuck here. He'd never get out of here now, not ever again.

He had saw Destiny's ghost- or whatever the hell she had been- be pretty damn satisfied with the results before vanishing for the last time. She didn't care that Peter was stuck as a monster, or what he had to do to avenge her. She just wanted revenge, and she used him to get it. Maybe being dead made her not give a shit. Whatever, she didn't even come back around or appear to him ever again over the course of the past year. Of course, she hadn't, she left Peter all alone out here. He had been forsaken, being slowly driven mad by his own loneliness and grief.

He now stalked through the forest, freezing even with fur. He missed being human, having hands, wearing clothes, living in a house with working heat and water. The Godfrey mansion, where he took up refuge had no heat or water, it all had been cut off with no one to pay it. The place had been vandalized, graffitied, robbed, windows broke, things destroyed. Squatters had taken up residence there at one point, until the white wolf ran them away. Still some would come by, some had even tried to kill him. He didn't want to eat or kill humans, but he had came awfully close that one day. He had chased some hunters out of the woods for fun, and one shot him. Of course, he couldn't die from a simple gunshot wound, and it healed quick, but fuck, it still hurt. He managed to get away before anymore bullets could find their mark in his body. He had thought about chasing them down and making them pay for it though. This also prompted other hunters to come try their luck with killing the white wolf of the woods. He'd usually evade any would-be victors. Thank fuck they didn't use silver bullets, because that would hurt worse.

Peter trudged through the snow, the icy white powder sticking to his fur. His paws were cold, his nose frozen and numb. He got inside the mansion how he usually did, through one of the broken windows. He then shook himself off and headed toward the stairs, climbing up them and making his way to Roman's old room. Roman hadn't stayed in it in forever since after his human death and before his upir murder, but the bed was still there, some of his other shit was still there, what he had never gotten out. Peter pulled back the covers with his teeth and hopped up on the bed, laying down and using his teeth to cover himself back up. Roman hadn't stayed here or slept here in forever, yet, Peter could still smell his scent on the sheets, now mingling with Peter's own, as it always should have been. It could have been, if only..

Of course there were the days when he was still angry at Roman, still wished he was alive just so he could kill him again. Roman hadn't been innocent, he had hurt people, killed people.. Not that Peter was innocent either. Peter would remind himself that Roman betrayed him, killed his cousin. He was still furious at Roman, for so many things. He hated him. Naturally, Peter liked to hold onto this hatred for as long as it stayed with him. He held onto it because it made dealing with what he had done and the predicament he was in a little easier. He had to do what he had to do, he had to kill him, had to stop him. Of course, if he had been just merely killing him to stop him from hurting anyone else, then Peter wouldn't be stuck like this for it. No, he was stuck because it ran so much deeper than just stopping a monster. It had been a sacrifice. Sacrifice himself, and sacrifice Roman. With the anger there, some days it made sense and he was at peace with what he had to become. Other days, it made no sense at all.

It had been one of those days when Peter was angry, cursing Roman in his head, wishing he could verbally curse out loud again, wishing he could talk, wishing he could have a damn cigarette. So many things he had to give up because of Roman. Fuck him. He had came in and wrecked the everloving fuck out of his life. It had been one of those days when he first heard it. The sound. It was like a faint humming, and it'd only get louder and louder.

He didn't know what it was, but it was driving him even more insane. He started hearing it at various times during the course of the day and night, sometimes it even woke him from sleep. And then there were the dreams. In some dreams he'd be human again, and he and Roman would be raising Nadia, and Annie never came into their lives, and Olivia had stayed dead or stayed away, Miranda had just left without trying to kidnap or kill Nadia, and the dragons didn't exist, Andreas never conned him into shit, never got himself killed and Destiny didn't die. In these dreams, they were happy. These dreams were cruel, but Peter wished he could just stay in those dreams forever and never wake back up.

The sex dreams were especially cruel, the ones where he'd be making love to Roman. God, it wasn't even animalistic sex, it was loving, sometimes rough, but passionate. He could feel everything in technicolor, every thrust inside, every drag of fingertips or nails on skin, every press of lips on skin, every playful bite, Roman's fingers in his hair, how tight he was, how Roman trembled as he came undone underneath Peter's human hands and human body. He'd be so beautiful, hair a mess, debauched and flushed, panting and moaning so sweetly. Peter hated these dreams as much as he loved them.

Peter missed sex, human sex. He had tried sex with another wolf, and with a dog in heat, but he just didn't feel right about it. He wasn't into animals, animal himself or not. Yes, Peter was a wolf, and he turned on the full moon once a month for one whole night. But Peter had spent more of his life as a human than he had as a wolf, with the exception of this year. Maybe he just didn't want to get it through his head that he'd never be human again, that he was an animal now forever. He wasn't human anymore, he gave that up. Fuck Roman, and fuck Destiny.

The hum got louder and more persistent. It was coming from the woods, and the call to go there while he was at the mansion was overwhelming. He'd go to see if he could find what was causing the sound, but he wasn't having any luck.

Sometimes he'd dream of killing Roman, he'd be reminded of the terrible thing he did. Be reminded of Roman laying broken on the snowy ground, crying and begging Peter to just do it and get it over with. Sometimes he'd dream that Roman would be in the woods with him of a night, back in one piece, not bloody and mangled as Peter had left him. He'd crouch down to pet him, stroking fingers through his cold fur.

Roman would be smiling, he looked happy. 'It's okay, Peter, you did the right fucking thing. You did what I wanted deep down. I wanted to die. I'm glad it was you. I'm okay, I'm at peace.'

Dream Roman would say this, but it never offered Peter any consolation or comfort. Fuck Dream Roman.

The next time the hum got too loud, Peter marched back out to the woods, determined to find out what the fuck was going on. It was night, bitterly cold. The sound had gotten unbearable, in fact, it was nauseating at this point. The wind whipped at the bare tree limbs, blowing snow sideways as it came down and right into his eyes. He realized again too late that he should've turned back.

The wolf whined, stalling. Things got bizarre at that moment, everything appeared as if he were looking at it through intoxicated eyes, like maybe he had drank the wrong shit, or took the wrong shit. He felt dizzy, disoriented, and admittedly afraid, but so mesmerized at the same time.

Suddenly it was a hazy daylight, the sky lit up in psychedelic colors, birds flew in massive droves high in the sky, squawking madly. This was maddening. Peter gazed down to see his hand on the ground in the leaves.. his fleshy human hand, no fur-covered paw.. His heart skipped and he used his fingers to grab up a handful of leaves to see if he could. This had to be a dream. Peter stood up and covered his human ears with his human hands as the sound became deafening.

And then, just like that, it all stopped. The sound was gone, the birds were gone, winter was gone. Where there had been thick white snow, was now just dead leaves. It was also daylight and bright and sunny and warm. It was thankfully warm. And this wasn't a dream, because Peter was awake.

Peter had human skin again. He glanced down at his arms and hands, turning them over in disbelief. He was human again. He reached up to touch his face, fingers grazing his beard before moving up to run through his hair. Suddenly he was very thankful for that nightmarish sound. He was also naked. In the woods. And at least it was warm. Peter turned and began to run away from the area just in case the sound came back and turned him back into a wolf, and the weather back into winter. Clothes, he had to find some fucking clothes.

**Author's Note:**

> I've always had a fascination with the concept of alternate realities or universes, from Futurama to Star vs the Forces of Evil, to Supernatural, and then to Castle Rock. This borrows the alternate reality thing from Castle Rock, which is kind of a spoiler for it, without me wanting to spoil it. I borrow the mysterious hum sound and the effect of everything getting all weird before Peter is transported from it. I like the idea of an alternate reality where a version of Peter and Roman are happy and things went differently. I think I see the canon of a show as one reality, and the fanfics for it as other realities. There is mention of mpreg, but I may not get too graphic with it. It's just that I like the concept of Nadia being Roman and Peter's way more than her being Letha and Roman's, cuz ugh. I can't remember the name of the guy who killed Andreas, but I don't care about him, he's not important. In fact, fuck that guy.


End file.
